Perfect Patience in the Gap
But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. ~1 Timothy 1:16
“What do I need to do, Evan?!” A thirty-year old man says this to me, sighs, and I notice his shoulders droop into the couch across from me. He’s one of many people who have asked me this question over the years. He’s looked at his life, and he’s saddened to see the gap, the difference between where he is and where he wants to be.
As I have walked through different life complexities with people, they usually want to know how to change. They’ve begun understanding their anxiety, depression, or addiction, but their understanding hasn’t yet led to change. Of course, understanding is part of the change process, but counselees come to me because, at the end of the day, they want a different experience of life. I can relate to that. And, more importantly, many of our biblical ancestors can relate to that. Throughout Scripture, we see examples of people wrestling with the gap, between understanding what is wrong, on the one hand, and seeing health and growth, on the other.
Take the Apostle Paul, for example. Before he was a Christ-follower, he was a hostile enemy. He killed and imprisoned people who followed the Way (Acts 9:2), yet he was converted and became one of the most prominent champions of Christianity in history. To us, it looks like he experienced instant, 100% change in all areas of life. But Paul doesn’t tell the story that way.
When he recounts his life in 1 Timothy 1:16, we see his conversion is a story of God’s patience. Paul believed he was the foremost sinner that he knew (1 Tim.1:15). This means even though he was instrumental in thousands of changed lives, he was not seeing the change in himself that he desired. He would elsewhere say, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (Romans 7:15) Have you ever felt like that? You hate that instead of resting, your mind is racing all night. You hate that instead of engaging life and rejoicing, you lack the energy to even get out of your bed. You are not alone. Paul, too, experienced the gap.
So, then, what do we do in the gap? If we are all honest, we would say there are experiences in our lives we wish would change. We are frustrated that this change is not happening fast enough. In that frustration, there is a holy God who longs for his people to better reflect who he is, yet we fail more often than we like to admit. His response to us is similar to his response to the Apostle Paul: patience. And his is not just any patience, but perfect patience. This is a patience that never gets exhausted and never fails to persevere. This is a patience that can meet us in our deepest shortcomings and sticks with us until we reach our goals. One thing I have learned in counseling is that we do not fully understand the true nature of our painful experiences. Instead, it is a growth process, one that requires patience. More than likely, we have moments of exhaustion and cry out, “What do I need to do to get over this?!” My encouragement, for those of us feeling the pain of the gap, is this: surrender to the Lord’s perfect patience towards you and receive his mercy. You will never exhaust it.